Let’s Talk About Sex: Sex During Menopause
Sex is a natural and, usually, an enjoyable part of life. It starts at puberty and never really totally becomes a nonexistent subject of interest until you die. And, whether you are through menopause, in the thick of it, or just experiencing some signs that you’re approaching perimenopause, I’m sure you’ve wondered a time or two what will happen to your sex life during “The Change”. So, let’s get into it, let’s talk about sex during menopause.
“Let’s talk about sex baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things…”
Most women experience some sort of sexual change as they enter into the perimenopausal phase of life, usually beginning with vaginal dryness and pain. This happens as a result of decreased estrogen production in the body. Less estrogen = less vaginal secretion during arousal. The pain can be as a result of the vaginal dryness. Pain can also come from the thinning of the vaginal walls (from lower estrogen levels) that can cause painful intercourse and even a little blood can occur because the tissue can tear a little during sex.
Painful intercourse can also be due to other conditions common during midlife, such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine fibroids and even stress. If you’re experiencing unusually painful intercourse, check with your doctor to rule out some of these other conditions.
What Can I Do For Vaginal Dryness?
- Personal Lubricant. Don’t worry, today’s modern, sensual, water-based lubricants can actually enhance sex in addition to making it more comfortable. Shop For Personal Lubricants Now
- Bio-Identical (the use of use of plant based hormones that are identical on a molecular found in the human body) Estrogen Cream. Natural Estrogen Cream is applied to the chest or abdomen and can alleviate many symptoms of menopause, such as vaginal dryness, moodiness, hot flashes, wrinkles and low libido to name a few. Shop For Natural Estrogen Cream And Supplements Now
What Happens To Your Libido
Along with vaginal dryness, decreased estrogen production can lead to a decrease in libido (sexual desire), as well. See my article Menopause: The Truth About Low Libido for info and natural remedies for that. Along with all the remedies you can buy, you must also decide if you’re going to continue to have a sex life or not. And then, put forth the effort, if the decision is to go for it.
Understanding Your Sexuality
At midlife, more and more women become comfortable with their sexuality and face it head on. Here are a few things you may want or need to re-evaluate:
- Know Your Body. All humans are sexual by nature. Understand that there isn’t anything wrong with you because you’d like to maintain a sex life even at this time in your life. It’s normal…and healthy. The best way to a great sex life is knowing what makes you feel good and, ultimately, what makes you climax. So, know your body, learn what gets you there.
- Don’t Confuse Quantity With Quality. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself and your partner by trying to have sex as often as possible. Studies have proven that most couples are happy and satisfied with having sex 3 times per month. Just remember to be present and in the moment.
- Respect Your Sex Drive. Whether it’s high, moderate or low, respecting what your individual drive is will set you free.
- Practice Safe Sex. Use a contraceptive during perimenopause. Don’t forget that until you haven’t had a period for 1 year, you’re not considered to be through menopause and can still get pregnant. Also, use a condom even if you are through menopause, if you aren’t in a monogamous relationship. By practicing safe sex you can allow yourself to relax and enjoy the experience.
Getting In The Mood
So, you’ve decided that you’d like to continue having some sort of normal sex life, but just not sure how to go about it? Let’s really talk about sex and some things you can do to help get you (and your partner) in the mood.
- Communication. If you are having issues with symptoms of menopause, be open about it. It’ll be much easier to address if you’re open about what’s going on with you. And, one of the best ways to get “in the mood” is to actually talk about it with your partner. Talk about your desires, fantasies…whatever comes to mind, just keep the communication door open.
- Consciously Decide To Get In The Mood. At midlife, women must take responsibility for getting ino the mood, even if desire doesn’t come as spontaneous as it used to.
- Intimacy. Take the time to make a personal connection with your partner.
- Technique. It takes skill and practice to learn what arouses your partner AND what arouses YOU. Learning to pleasure yourself to the point of orgasm is an invaluable skill when it comes time to be with a partner, because you’ve already discovered and can teach what works for you.
- Romance. You and your partner need to learn how to show love for each other in concrete ways even OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Flowers, little gifts, special surprises and date nights can keep romance alive.
- Body Image. Many of us don’t feel good about our body image, especially during midlife when our bodies go through so many changes. When we feel bad about our bodies, it makes it difficult to be really present during love making. In her book, The Wisdom Of Menopause, Christiane Northrup, M.D. suggests this little affirmation exercise: Stand in front of a mirror and look deeply into your own eyes and say out loud, “I accept myself unconditionally right now”. Try this twice a day for 30 days. Spend time there, in front of the mirror, admiring yourself. The more you enjoy your body, the more erotic you’ll feel.
- Sensuality. To really get in the mood and enhance your libido, you must relax and involve all of your senses in your lovemaking.
- Passion. True passion can only come with someone you really know. In order to get in the mood and stay in the mood with your partner, there must be passion. Passion comes with the fusion of sexuality and spirituality, in our hearts and souls.
Dating After 50
Just remember to be kind to yourself, above all. Accepting who you are can be one of your sexiest qualities! Knowing who you are and what you want from your partner is 90% of the battle. Believe me, you both will benefit from open communication and describing exactly what you want…and what you don’t want. Be patient, experiment, have fun and be safe in all your sexual endeavors. Sex during menopause IS a possibility!!
Please leave any questions or comments in the space below.