Let’s Talk About Sex: Sex During Menopause


Let’s Talk About Sex:  Sex During Menopause

Sex is a natural and, usually, an enjoyable part of life.  It starts at puberty and never really totally becomes a nonexistent subject of interest until you die.  And, whether you are through menopause, in the thick of it, or just experiencing some signs that you’re approaching perimenopause, I’m sure you’ve wondered a time or two what will happen to your sex life during “The Change”.  So, let’s get into it, let’s talk about sex during menopause.

“Let’s talk about sex baby
Let’s talk about you and me 
Let’s talk about all the good things…”

Estrogen’s Role

Most women experience some sort of sexual change as they enter into the perimenopausal phase of life, usually beginning with vaginal dryness and pain.  This happens as a result of decreased estrogen production in the body.  Less estrogen = less vaginal secretion during arousal.  The pain can be as a result of the vaginal dryness.  Pain can also come from the thinning of the vaginal walls (from lower estrogen levels) that can cause painful intercourse and even a little blood can occur because the tissue can tear a little during sex.

Painful intercourse can also be due to other conditions common during midlife, such  as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine fibroids and even stress.  If you’re experiencing unusually painful intercourse, check with your doctor to rule out some of these other conditions.

What Can I Do For Vaginal Dryness?

  • Personal Lubricant.   Don’t worry, today’s modern, sensual, water-based lubricants can actually enhance sex in addition to making it more comfortable.                               Shop For Personal Lubricants Now


  • Bio-Identical (the use of use of plant based hormones that are identical on a molecular found in the human body) Estrogen Cream.  Natural Estrogen Cream is applied to the chest or abdomen and can alleviate many symptoms of menopause, such as vaginal dryness, moodiness, hot flashes, wrinkles and low libido to name a few.                 Shop For Natural Estrogen Cream And Supplements Now


What Happens To Your Libido

Along with vaginal dryness, decreased estrogen production can lead to a decrease in libido (sexual desire), as well.  See my article Menopause:  The Truth About Low Libido for info and natural remedies for that.  Along with all the remedies you can buy, you must also decide if you’re going to continue to have a sex life or not.  And then, put forth the effort, if the decision is to go for it.

Click here if you’re looking for an all natural supplement for your husband or partner?


Understanding Your Sexuality

At midlife, more and more women become comfortable with their sexuality and face it head on.  Here are a few things you may want or need to re-evaluate:

  • Know Your Body.  All humans are sexual by nature.  Understand that there isn’t anything wrong with you because you’d like to maintain a sex life even at this time in your life.  It’s normal…and healthy.  The best way to a great sex life is knowing what makes you feel good and, ultimately, what makes you climax.  So, know your body, learn what gets you there.
  • Don’t Confuse Quantity With Quality.  Try not to put so much pressure on yourself and your partner by trying to have sex as often as possible.   Studies have proven that most couples are happy and satisfied with having sex 3 times per month.  Just remember to be present and in the moment.
  • Respect Your Sex Drive.  Whether it’s high, moderate or low, respecting what your individual drive is will set you free.
  • Practice Safe Sex.  Use a contraceptive during perimenopause.  Don’t forget that until you haven’t had a period for 1 year, you’re not considered to be  through menopause and can still get pregnant.  Also, use a condom even if you are through menopause, if you aren’t in a monogamous relationship.  By practicing safe sex you can allow yourself to relax and enjoy the experience.

Getting In The Mood

sharing spaghetti

So, you’ve decided that you’d like to continue having some sort of normal sex life, but just not sure how to go about it?  Let’s really talk about sex and some things you can do to help get you (and your partner) in the mood.


  • Communication.  If you are having issues with symptoms of menopause, be open about it.  It’ll be much easier to address if you’re open about what’s going on with you.  And, one of the best ways to get “in the mood” is to actually talk about it with your partner.  Talk about your desires, fantasies…whatever comes to mind, just keep the communication door open.


  • Consciously Decide To Get In The Mood.  At midlife, women must take responsibility for getting ino the mood, even if desire doesn’t come as spontaneous as it used to.


  • Intimacy.  Take the time to make a personal connection with your partner.


  • Technique.  It takes skill and practice to learn what arouses your partner AND what arouses YOU.  Learning to pleasure yourself to the point of orgasm is an invaluable skill when it comes time to be with a partner, because you’ve already discovered and can teach what works for you.


  • Romance.  You and your partner need to learn how to show love for each other in concrete ways even OUTSIDE of the bedroom.  Flowers, little gifts, special surprises and date nights can keep romance alive.


  • Body Image.  Many of us don’t feel good about our body image, especially during midlife when our bodies go through so many changes.  When we feel bad about our bodies, it makes it difficult to be really present during love making.  In her book, The Wisdom Of Menopause, Christiane Northrup, M.D. suggests this little affirmation exercise: Stand in front of a mirror and look deeply into your own eyes and say out loud, “I accept myself unconditionally right now”.  Try this twice a day for 30 days.  Spend time there, in front of the mirror, admiring yourself.  The more you enjoy your body, the more erotic you’ll feel.


  • Sensuality.  To really get in the mood and enhance your libido, you must relax and involve all of your senses in your lovemaking.


  • Passion.  True passion can only come with someone you really know.  In order to get in the mood and stay in the mood with your partner, there must be passion.  Passion comes with the fusion of sexuality and spirituality, in our hearts and souls.

Recommended Reading

Dating After 50

Getting Naked Again

Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World (How to Use the Power of Pleasure)

Sum Up

Just remember to be kind to yourself, above all.  Accepting who you are can be one of your sexiest qualities!  Knowing who you are and what you want from your partner is 90% of the battle.  Believe me, you both will benefit from open communication and describing exactly what you want…and what you don’t want.  Be patient, experiment, have fun and be safe in all your sexual endeavors.  Sex during menopause IS a possibility!!

Please leave any questions or comments in the space below.


Be Well,




4 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex: Sex During Menopause

  1. I love that you put the Salt N Pepa video in your posting. As soon as I read the title of your post, the song popped in my head and I started singing it. I enjoyed that you referenced it. Kudos for broaching the subject of sex after and during menopause. I think that’s an important topic for women. It’s also important that women don’t become ashamed of the changes…good and bad…of their bodies. I agree we need to embrace and love ourselves. Your post contains helpful information. Thank you for the post.

    • Hey, Julia! Ha ha yes, glad you enjoyed the video. I couldn’t help myself. Thanks so much for reading and commenting on my post. You are so right, too many women are made to feel ashamed or embarrassed about their beautiful bodies and it can really hinder their spiritual growth.

      Be Well!


  2. I am turning 41 this year and have a sneaky suspicion that some of the perimenopause symptoms are coming my way. Anyway, thats another topic, because it’s scary!

    This is a great article and with loads of useful information for someone of my age or older facing these kinda horrible change in your life. No woman likes to get older and it’s quite tough to face, especially when you still feel 24. My mum always used to say that, now I know what she means!

    Thanks for the info and the great reading.

    • Hey Ruth! as difficult as is may be, please try not to think of it all as being “horrible”. Embrace it! Be the best version of yourself ever! It really helps knowing what to expect,too, and that there are solutions to some of the issues…which is why I developed this website.

      You’re prob right that you’re heading into perimenopause. Perimenopause can start 10 or more years before menopause. So, stay ahead of the game by keeping informed and start taking care of yourself NOW (if you haven’t already. Start with nutrition and regular exercise. Your future self will thank you!

      Be Well!


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